Over It. Way too much. Officially Lost You.

So i stopped thinking about it for awhile. In some ways, it DOES help. Seriously, why bother to try so hard tryna please someone who doesn't exactly give two shits about how you feel. Besides, i was just a passer-by from the start. Came, and left. Nothing to be remembered. Sometimes when you're so cold, it feels like i never existed from the start. 

I really understand the fact that you have met the prince of your dreams and you're seizing the moment and enjoying every fair bit of it, but please don't forget who stood beside you along the way. Yes it hasn't been that long, couple of months maybe, but the fact that i really do care sincerely and not even hoping for you to repay in any way, maybe just be a little warmer and say nicer things.

Yes i DO understand and KNOW that we wouldn't stand a chance, but that doesn't mean you should push me away or just go MIA on me to kill me softly. Honestly, I've actually been pretty depressed and down lately. You literally made me feel like i'm an idiot that's wasting my time and effort into doing unnecessary things and end up being a laughing stock. But whats actually really funny is i thought you actually cared. I suppose not. Not anymore anyways.

Yeah. Life goes by. You live yours and i live mine. It is without doubt significantly clear about our distances, physical and emotionally are just way too big. And most importantly, i just never really mattered to you. I get that. I don't mind then. Well i do but, i don't need to be someone important in your life. I just wanna be someone you would remember. But i guess i'm wrong. Way too wrong. Thanks for showing me the cruel truths and cold hearted decisions one can make.

I guess i still think of you from time to time. Wondering how things are going. Wondering have you been eating and sleeping well. Even with him, i hope that your doing okay, his treating you right, and you would be happy and content with the life your living. I really wish i could see you one last time before i bid goodbye. Or at least, let me feel your warmth for the one last time. I miss you. I don't regret being an idiot for you. For i will always be an idiot, your idiot. 

Had a couple of mishaps in the past few weeks. Didn't go to much classes, lost my pair of spectacles, and etc. I guess you did significantly affect my life and caused me mood swings. Sometimes in order to not think of you i just game and have fun, trying to wipe away the past and erase those memories and thoughts about you. But i was wrong. What i really did was just running away. I won't run away anymore. I'll just have to slowly accept the fact that we weren't made for each other, and that you would not be the girl i have always hoped you to be. Do the things i want you to or wish you would do. For I, have officially lost you.

P.S. got a quiz and a big assig to catch up. Life is pretty hectic atm. Hopefully things will go smoothly. Really can't be bothered thinking so much. I just wanna have a life that's simple and produces literally zero drama. I really do. Wish the good things would come true. Hoping for a better year ahead. Peace out.

I knew you were trouble when you walked in..

Had a busy day at work. Had some good conversations along the way. Realized the reason my mate left is due to politics at work. Also he only tried to make it look better for the boss. Yet the boss misunderstood him as being a coward using the parents card. Why must life be so complicated. Sigh. If only things could get simpler. People could be nice and less mean. Things wouldn't have to end this way..

Friend had a broke up as well. It wasn't today, but she's been acting tough. It must be hard. Putting so much effort into a relationship that never would've worked from the start. Somehow saw it coming. Yet, people get too infatuated and miss out the bigger picture in life. Well, maybe things are meant to happen. People are meant to get hurt. Only then they would be more careful next time. I hope she feels better soon. After all she's my first lady work mate. Hahaha. Thought she was nothing but a princess back then. So much have changed. She's so mature now. Well not exactly but, at least she's tryna grow up. But this fall, is gonna take her a long time to recover.

I really love how lyrics could express your feelings. To the words. LOL. Its like it understands you. That's why it hurts even more. To put it simply, i knew she was trouble. I knew it was a big risk. A likely to fail plan. Yet i still fell for her. Yep she just left it as it is. It bitters my heart to think about how nice she was, yet how cold could she be. Maybe that's humans. You only show your true self when your selfish. I guess she's got a point. Why would she even bother. After all, she has heaps of guy friends like me. Doesn't matter if i care more or pay more attention. She only cares about the guy she's into. Nothing else.

Just realized I've been a whiny bitch since 4 days ago. And i'm still going on about it. Weirdly, i start to enjoy the habit of writing blogs. Now i understand why people would literally report their lives. Well, this is probably my grown up diary. A place to express my feelings without being judged. After all, i wouldn't actually bother if someone judged anyways hahaha. But yeah. These things make me feel better in a very weird way. I talk to myself and write it out. Poof feeling better already. LOL

Alright gotta head off with the fewer words this time. Got work in the morning again. HECTIC WEEK i reckon. Hope i'll still be alive after work 2moz. Hahaha. Heaps of uni work to catch up on. Sometimes, i wish i had more breaks. LOL. Naw. What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Yerp. :P Latas :))

Another long day.. These days just get longer..

Can't believe i'm actually still writing in here. This kinda is a miracle. LOL. But yeah. Somehow when you can't forget things, letting it out really helps. Rather than it hurts so much inside. Sigh. When can she just disappear from my thoughts..

Started the morning with work. Lady luck smiled upon me today. Wasn't late for work. FOR ONCE. LOL. Unfortunately although when compared to Msia, Aussie buses are much more reliable, but.. They are always late during peak hour. Which is a pain in the ass. Especially when i live so far from work and uni.. Boss was rather happy. Wouldn't say i'm the most reliable one, but technically i am because all the better workers are gone/left. Depressing to mention, but yeah.

Work was.. busy. Customers just seemed to come in, all at the same time. You guys are busy? Guess i'll make you even busier. LOL. Extended rather well today. Till about 1.30. Then it died down and just went on slowly. Had a couple of chicks today. Mostly hongkies. Weird how our cafe is owned by a China dude yet China people never come in. And whites love it. Rather confusing question i'd say.. But yeah. Work ended early as well. Buddy Boy Rex came in early. like very early. Felt bad to let him wait an hour half. Thought that i could use some rest too. Had him start early. His one of our new workers. Dependable and friendly. Although he lacks confidence, but one day, he would shine bright like a diamond. Oh wait, bitch please diamond reflects. Hahaha.

After work tried ta finish the tute work. Did 3 questions. Then was 4.30 already. Rushed to the bus stop and tried to reach early. Unfortunately, as mentioned, during peak hour bus is always late. Ended reaching about 5.15 ish and reached class around 5.20. Cant be bothered to go in as the tute work doesn't count. That's when the day got moody and all again. Pisses me off how when i try to put effort its always put down. I swear i hardly ever do tute work. But i reckon i really need to start doing work and decided it's time to focus more on studies. But yeah. Things just have to come across my path and destroy my motivation. What a bummer ._.

Went home after meeting up with one of my Taiwan tute mates. She's kinda cute actually. Well she sorta turned cute this year. She was so anti-social and all last year. This year she just brightened up and she dresses up pretty attractively. Girls with and without make/dress ups are like heaven and earth. Not even joking LOL Anyways she's really blur though. Glad to hear some stories from her about her trip back to Taiwan and all. It's very different the way she perceives things. Weird but logical. LOL. Yeah i was really surprised when she said it. But yeah. Good catching up. :))

Finally got home on 220. Reached uncles office. Mhm too late he left already. Had to walk 2km + home. Well, if you think that's bad, i got lost. Don't ask me how.. I just did. Somehow LOL
Walked an extra kilometer tryna find my way out. Really embarrassing. But i guess i won't get lost the same way, AGAIN. Hopefully.. At least on the bright side, got to look at the stars. Skies been really clear lately. Guess it's the rain. But yeah. So much deep thoughts once again..

Got home, eat shower dota and now blog.. Was a rather tiring day. And got even tiring when i thought about her again. Apparently i sorta found out who the guy was. Unfortunately. He looks pretty okay. Childish look. But probably girls like them kids these days. Or maybe he's good at talking. God knows why. She's so infatuated with him right now. I get kinda jealous but then again, who am i to be jealous. In mandarin there's a word called SHI AN LIAN. It's like disappointment from a one-sided relationship. Correction, one sided friendship relationship-wannabe. LOL. That's a clearer explanation i guess. But yeah. Pretty disappointed. And till today, all she seems to care about is him. Sometimes i don't really hope that she would fall for me, but just hey, at least realize my existence. And maybe appreciate me a little and make me feel like i matter in her life. But naw. I mean nothing. Absolutely nothing. Apart from questioning me about her soon-to-be boyfie, she's been ignoring me. So it continues.. Sigh.

Sometimes i look in the mirror and be like, you dumb son of a bitch. It's so obvious you should just move on and man up. But yeah, trust me. It seems easy to say that, doing that is an entirely different story. I feel so fed up with myself tryna get over it yet i'm just grasping on to it even tighter than before. They say you won't know what you had till it's gone. Yes. It's that fucked up feeling right here right now. I really wanna just beat and slap the shit outta myself so i could be sane and logical, and just do the right thing. But in life, you know how you wanna just do it because you feel like it? Yeah i'm dumb like that. Doing pointless efforts for people that doesn't appreciate and try to care about someone who doesn't even care about you. WHY GOD WHY. If there is a god up there, could you really just give me a proper description of who i should love and treat well because i'm sick of finding one after another and only to be disappointed at the end. I really just wanna love a women right. And she loves me too. Is it that bloody hard. IS IT?! Jokes. I'm so over the blaming part. If there was anyone to blame, it's definitely myself. Why do you fall so easily Jackie Jack. You dim witted silly poodle. Be smarter next time! :3

Well just remembered another thing as well. Had this friend named Bessie. She was one of the kindest and nicest girl i ever met in QUT aka my uni in Aussie  I thought she was really so pure and innocent and was so nice to me no matter how naughty and lazy i was. She always stood up as a friend as was one of my few dependable buddies. But one day, she just texted me we can't be friends anymore. I went like dafuq. Texted her and all she said was stop. Goodbye. There we go. Another headshot by GOD. Why do i deserve these kinda shits. Really. Was i really that bad of a person in my previous life i have to be surrounded by people that gets close with me and leaves me one by one. Cutting my heart open over and over again. If i was a cat, 9 lives wouldn't have been enough. That's just how bad it is. Oh well..

Getting late. Should really sleep. Woke up dead tired this morning. Actually, i could barely open my eyes. I thought i was hallucinating. LOL. Man, sleep is a virtue. SLEEP IS A MUST. I LOVE SLEEPING. But yeah. So much shit to do everyday and i just get lesser and lesser sleep. If only humans were like robots with battery packs LOL. Damn the stamina and physical tolerance. Mentally i should be lying there standstill. Physically i could barely bare it. Oh wells. Life lifey life. So much fun. Gotta love the challenges thrown at my face on a daily basis. Interesting yet tryna kill me. LOL. Jokes i love you GOD so be nice alright :))

Catch ya later alligator. *cheesy expendables line*

The enthusiasm continues..

Apparently yesterday wasn't enough to blabber my heart out, so it continues. Lets see.. Today.. Went uni to submit an assignment. LOL after so long the tutor doesn't even recognize me :P Coincidentally one of my group mates into soccer. Well well, might actually get back into it. Haha. Feeling all old and sturdy now. Wonder if i could pick up the old skills and stamina. That's a good question. Will wait and see tsk tsk.

As said yest, had a night out around 4th April maybe with the pretty chick in the picture. Yep. She's a high school mate back in the days. She's doing her psychology/mass comm degree in Monash. Big time uni. Hahaha. Seems to be doing pretty well. And honestly, this was the first time I actually went out with her. And talk as well. It's weird how she seems so unapproachable on the outside, yet friendly when she opens up. She's got quite alot of topics to talk about and does show quite a tad of intellectual and intelligence while she speaks. Good luck to the mate tryna wife her. She's one tough nut to crack. Hahaha. Had good old chat and dinner, then off to Southbank for drinks. Southbank is like our tourist place. Also always provides the happening atmosphere to drink as well. Then had another long chat. Then around midnight her bestie sent her home. It was a good day indeed. Had fun. Hopefully there would be more of these occasions in the future hahaha. And yes she's back in Melb now. Probably she lost count on how many places she's been to. All the best to her studies life love and work.

Alright, moving on back to MY life. Got a little carried away there. Well, sad to know that another two of our precious workmates would be leaving soon. So much bloody drama caused. Not even joking LOL Sometimes it make you wonder how quick time flies and how people come and go continuously. Sadly, this is how life revolves and probably hope for the best and maybe, have better and fun work mates in the future. They will be missed. Well i miss them anyways. Haha. Without all these people that came into my life, i wouldn't be who i am today. If one day i actually succeed, *fingers crossed* all these people that i came across are the reason and stepping stone for it. I sincerely thank them for teaching me so much and hope they would be successful in their own career regardless where they are and what they do.

Okay. Time for some emo-nemo session of the day. Today she texted me. But it wasnt regarding how i was nor was she looking for a conversation. Apparently, all she cared about was if i talked to the guy she liked. Funny thing is, she never even told me who that guy was. So she assumed i went all psychic and sherlock and decided to talk to him. Why didn't i thought of that hahaha. But yeah. Then once i said i didn't, she disappeared again. As usual. I don't know. It hurts by the day knowing the fact that she doesn't bother nor care about me, yet told me so much about herself. Maybe i'm just a nice guy. Maybe i'm just MR FRIENDZONED. Maybe what girls need aren't boyfriends, but friends they could assume would be their friend now and forever and just, expect to like an entirely different guy that doesn't appreciate nor understand her.

Ironically, that's how life is lived. Not to brag or what not, i do have admirers too :P But like, girls that like me aren't exactly my type. That's not even the biggest problem. The problem is they don't understand nor know shit about me. So technically how are you supposed to be with someone just because you FEEL like you like them and know NOTHING about them. Even if you do know them slightly, just trying that much would mean he/her isn't important enough for you to put a bigger effort to understand them. This is why life sucks. This is why love sucks. This is why guys who understand the bitches gets friendzoned when the guy that looks good or adorable would be the girls fav.

Girls always say that "Oh i don't like him for his looks. I just love the way he makes me smile and treats me right." But hey lady, just because he knows how to make you smile doesn't mean you can make him smile as well. And when time goes by, eventually he would get bored of your one-sided happiness and move on. Then you cry about why doesn't he love me anymore whatnot. Grow up will ya. If u continuously just pick the guy that looks good and fun but doesn't actually understand you, it's gonna be like trying to make PSY do gangnam style during sex. It's awkward. It wouldn't last. Nor would it make you happy. Try to make the effort to understand each other and realise what actually has gone wrong and how to fix it. Risk it for the biscuit a wise man once told me. Nothing comes for free. You don't walk down the street hoping to pick up a free winning lottery ticket on the floor. The least you have to do is buy it. If lucky you would strike and your dreams would come true. If you don't, that's it. You don't EXPECT to win whenever you buy it. It's like love. You have to keep trying until you find the right one. Even that takes HEAPS, i mean HEAPS of effort. Then again, people these days are just looking for some fun. So forget what i just said..

Anyways, it's getting late and i'm supposed to wake up for another morning shift 2moz. Crazy work hours this week. I gotta say i love money and work but i really don't have the energy and the motivation to do that much of work. Really gotta start putting more effort into my studies as well. Although pass is all i've been aiming for, but honestly i can do better. I should do better goddammit. Hopefully i could find that brink of light that would carry me forward. Sometimes when you have to put up with so much shit, you just get fucking tired of all the bullshit and just wanna lie down and sleep. That's why when they say you have to put an effort, you actually really do. Especially if you're not in one of the best conditions. Work and study. Haha. Oh well, live and let live. Maybe i'd succeed someday, maybe not. But if i never try, i never would. GO HARD OR GO HOME. Meh. Alright peace out. May the night be pleasant :))

After Kezillion Years

Yeah. Finally back. Reason? I suppose the one and only I've been longing to talk to is finally ignoring me. She probably has found a better guy to talk to or what not. Perhaps all I ever was just a substitute. No. Substitutes has a value. I probably mean less than that. Hurms, it's not being all emo and shit. Well it sorta is. Point is i just feel that, it doesn't really make sense. When you like someone, you can't even talk to them? That's just nuts. I guess everyone has their own world they live in and sometimes, all they care about are themselves. So yeah. Too bad. LOL.

Oh well. Today has been an alright day. Had presentation with the group. Apparently, our group came to conflict, yet again. It seems to be the clash between them China students. Not to stereotype or whatnot, I reckon when two people have high ego and are reluctant to accept each other's opinions, they just fuck up the relationship. Unfortunately, that's how life is. And that's how life would be. Sincerely hope there would be less dramas in my life. As what i'm facing is already killing me on a daily basis. Haha.

A lil update since I haven't been saying anything for years. I'm currently studying at Aussie now. Doing Accounting. Final Year. Psst yeah I know what you're thinking. Almost a grad. But no. Honestly, graduating has never seemed so far till this year. All the subjects are hard az. All the tutors are strict az. All the assignments are a pain in the ass. God. Life would be so much better if it could be any simpler. Sigh. Well, i'm also currently working in a cafe, called Di Luna Restaurant. It's a really cool place. Seems a lil dodgy at first since it's Chinese owned Italian restaurant hahaha. But the food isn't such a let down. So are the coffee. They actually seem to be a lot better than  those competitors out there. The managers a really nice and sweet person. She can get cranky sometimes, but honestly, she's just SUPER NICE. Yep. I've been pampered for almost a year now. I enjoy each and every moment working there. Even if it's tiring, it's really worth it. Don't really get paid heaps but, i'd say it's enough to survive. 

Sometimes in life, it's the little things that count. In this case, it really has been the highlight of my 2 years in Aussie. It's really taught me a lot of stuff and values I would never have learnt back in Msia. Also, I gotta admit I've been growing up. Maturing. *perasan*
Oh well, that's cool. I can't be a kid forever. Psst. 

Now to the main point of this whole blog writing thingy. It's actually all because of her. I really could not withstand my emotions and feelings to her and I really can't ignore it. Thus this blog is gonna be my punching bag for the next 123456789 days till I get over her. All I can say is i'm really hurt from this and trusting someone is really not an easy task anymore. Someone as innocent and pure like her would actually give up on you, when you're not even her boyf. Jokes on me. It happened. So yeah. Like it or not, deal with it.

Anyways, it happened. No point crying over spilled milk. Time to man up and take life on like a beast. Haha. Thankfully I've got supportive friends and my favourite baby, Dota. Dota2 actually. Whatevs. Point is gaming does cheer the fuck outta me. I get to be like a kid and sometimes act like one. Who cares. It's better than letting your heart being played by people who doesn't appreciate you for nuts. At least I know better now. 

Alright. Hands are getting tired. Haven't been writing essays for like, Centuries. Not even joking. Haha. Yeah. Mainly my mind is really tired as well. Working and studying isn't exactly the funnest thing to do in life. But before I end this, I still sincerely hope that she would be better off, find a guy that treats her right, because that son of bitch better knows he's such a lucky fag. She's really a great girl. It's just i'm not great enough for her. Hopefully she takes care of herself and have someone to be with her during her ups and downs. She's really silly sometimes. She's childish but at the same time sweet and honest. I wonder how would she be like when she matures eventually. Probably be a really successful and adorable women. Haha.

I miss her. I wish her all the best. Alright. Peace out babes. *pretty much talking to a wall* Lawl. It's cool. I never fancied blogs nor telling my life stories to people anyways. But if someone ever reads it, thanks for wasting couple of minutes trying to listen to me haha. Thank you invisible audience :P

Goodnight. 17/4/2013.

P.S. I actually met up with a high school friend few weeks back. Well, we weren't exactly friends back then. we knew each other existed. Pretty much it. LOL. But yeah. She's one hell of a girl too. Will describe her more when i'm in a mood to. :P

I look pretty good in this one. Mad skills la :P

Resurruction

LOL. JACK IS BACK.

Or not. Haha.

Seems really tiring to maintain blogs facebook and twitter.
If only god gave us 48 hours a day.

I swear i'll update every tiny detail of my life. Haha.

For those whose still pretty much missing out, this noobie jack is now in brisbane, queensland, australia.
Some really slow, peaceful and friendly country of people. :)
Not to mention the asian and western chicks xD
Well, it's truly been awhile. The 4th month is coming.
Seems like time flies. Finals are coming soon. Assignments are due. God.
Life is so hard. Like a rock :(

Jack is working now as well. *allgrownup* ROFL.

Well basicly, it isn't really as fun as i thought.
Working is a pain in the ass. Especially when your boss throws random tantrums. LOL
Apart from that, his a pretty nice guy. Or he think he is. hahaha.
There's up's and down's here. But whats different is drunk jack is gone. Or for now :P
Still can't really fit into the sleep early wake early culture. Probably because i'm a lazy fat noob. HAHAHA. Apart from that, jack is doing okay i guess :)
Well, it's about time to keep up with my assig.
Catch ya later peeps. Cheers ;)
Meh. Disorientated and blur look rofl :P

Gathering of 6J

After 7 years missing out on my primary standard six class

we finally hung out. =Dwell, what's even more surprising
is we managed to getour lovely DI FANG YAN JIU (kajian tempatan) teacher along.
AWE-wait for it-SOME ;D
well, it was really a great dinner.
although it was only about 4 hours.man don't we all grow up fast now.
everyone seems to be grown up.
but i guess, once a 6J always a 6J xDoh, and happy birthday
to our FU BAN ZHANG khor sook fong :P
here are some pics. enjoy =)
THE TEACHER xDTEACHER AND ME =D
BIRTHDAY GIRL :)GUYS and Birthday GirlGIRLS and Birthday Girl
GUYS AND GIRLS
ROFLMAO xD
End =)